April 21, 2004

There Are Delusions of Grandeur,
And Then There Are Delusions of Grandeur
updated 4/21/04

The tendency of presidential campaigns to get bogged down in the trivial never ceases to amaze me. Whether it's Bill Clinton's draft-dodging or pot-smoking or George W. Bush's Vietnam-dodging and cocaine abuse, I couldn't care less. People are hungry in this country—literally hungry, with more folks going homeless or forced into menial jobs that demand long hours yet pay barely enough to feed a worker's children. And, y'know, there's a war on (or two or three, I lost count actually.) So I really don't care whether or not John Kerry's first Purple Heart was "earned." Yes, the question itself is offensive in the extreme. Tell me, Mr. Rove (or whoever among your minions created this talking point), how the fuck would you know? Did you go to Vietnam? Or any war? Uh, er, um—no! So shut the fuck up.

Sorry, still working on that first cuppa joe; I get a little irritable. Even more so when I hear or read blowhards and flaks spewing forth on issues that they know nothing about, especially on issues that just! don't! matter! Ergh. Even if, for the sake of the argument, we allow that Kerry didn't really "deserve" his first Purple Heart (because, as I can hear a Monty Python knight demur, it's only a flesh wound), he went on to get two more. Are those invalid, too? Should he have leaned a little more to the right so the bullet would catch him in the chest? Or shown just a wee bit more bravery? How one measures such things is beyond me, nor would I waste my time trying to figure it out. Why? Hungry people! War on! Joblessness! Poverty! Terrorism! Al Qaeda! Did I mention the war? There's a fucking war, you idi—

—errrrrrgh. And, yes, it is a bit galling to hear this coming from apologists for the chickenhawk administration who hoodwinked the country into an unnecessary war. Although, to be fair, I don't really care that Bush et al. avoided serving in Vietnam, another odious, unnecessary war to which our political leadership sent thousands of Americans to die for bullshit reasons. In fact, I think it shows surprising good sense. Sure, their methods were often weaselly, as were Clinton's. But then, at least Clinton opposed the war. Bush would rather other, poorer Americans die in his stead. After all, Bush has been chosen by God to bring freedom to the people of the world. Compared to this, Kerry's allegedly inflated war heroism seems rather innocuous, don'cha think?

UPDATE (4/21/04): Aaron linked to this article on Cheney slamming Kerry on gun control at—where else?—an NRA convention. For me, the highlight is this pic:

Posted by kevinmoore at April 21, 2004 09:35 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Ah, but it's even more insidious than that...

My dad, who watches too much MSNBC and who is, I suspect, beginning to become overly familiar with right-wing nut sites, articulated the following theory to me the other night:

  • John Kerry was good friends with John Kennedy. In fact, one could say that John Kerry worshipped John Kennedy.

  • John Kennedy served a tour of duty in World War II as the captain of a small naval vessal; it was a submarine of some kind, I believe. Kennedy was later returned to the United States on account of wounds received in battle. Later still, he became the President.

  • John Kerry volunteered to join the Navy and later volunteered to captain a riverboat in Vietnam. Kerry received three Purple Hearts after which soliders are returned to the U.S. as a matter of military policy.

  • Riverboats are, curiously, almost, but not quite, entirely unlike submarines.

  • Kerry's war wounds are "questionable."

  • Kerry has gone on to run for the Presidency.

  • Therefore: John Kerry has, since the late 60's and early 70's, done everything he can to manipulate the military and civilian systems in order to as closely as possible mimic the life of his beloved John Kennedy.

  • Therefore: John Kerry is an evil, disgusting person.

And there you have it, the truth of why Kerry's Purple Hearts being deserved or not deserved is a valid line of inquiry: it's the first question that will eventually unravel one man's insidious conspiracy to, eventually, assassinate the President of the United States. That President being, curiously, himself.

Posted by: PinkDreamPoppies at April 19, 2004 04:14 PM

Yeah, I'm familiar with that theory (great summary, by the way), at least up to the point where Kerry-imitates-Kennedy to creepy proportions. It's amusing to the extent that all conspiracy theories are, the negotiation of the plausible with the absurd. But this is too absurd. What a bunch of twisted idiots.

Posted by: Kevin Moore at April 19, 2004 04:52 PM

What Kerry really got a Purple Heart for was his services on the grassy knoll with a rocket launcher. The Zapruder film cuts out right before the motorcade is incinerated with a TOW missile.

Posted by: J. Pinkham at April 19, 2004 05:44 PM

All I know is that while Kerry was livin' it up in his frilly field hospital, George W Bush, the greatest defender of freedom to exist, was bravely defending the skies of Texas from Viet Cong fighter pilots.

Choke on that!

Posted by: Raznor at April 19, 2004 06:40 PM

Of course, there's Dick Cheney holding his gun.

WHAT IS YOUR GUN'S NAME, PRIVATE CHENEY!!!?? YOU SAID YOU HAD OTHER PRIORITIES??? WELL, PRIVATE CHENEY, CHARLIE HAS NO OTHER PRIORITY THAN TURNING YOU INTO FERTILIZER, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MAGGOT?

Ironic that Cheney gets a ceremonial gun, while Kerry has actually used a gun, in combat, to kill VC. I suppose Rove will use the "unstable Vietnam Vet" slander against Kerry just like he did against McCain in the 2000 primaries...

Posted by: Aaron V. at April 20, 2004 03:50 PM

Great link, ya Pitt-iful man. I couldn't resist posting this image.

Posted by: Kevin Moore at April 21, 2004 07:28 AM
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