blargblog

Hel-lo? Car-toooon!

Yes, I'm running late with the cartoon today. My apologies. Despite having Friday off, this weekend still turned out jampacked with Stuff To Do. Friday was spent doing Stuff Around The House. Saturday I helped Chris and Bethanne Move Their Stuff to Olympia. And Sunday I met an ole friend Kate from college to Talk About Stuff—our lives, our friends' lives, lotsa gossip. Then Jenn and I went around the city hunting down Stuff For The Baby. We found a decent, sturdy chest of drawers for a mere 25 bucks at the Goodwill outlet store (the Elephant Graveyard Of Stuff). Afterwards we hunted down fish and chips, went to Gustav's, attempted to Stuff Ourselves, but failed because—and this is a very uncommon experience at a decent place like Gustav's—the food wasn't very good. We went home feeling a little oogy. And I still had a resume to write: Stuff I Did And Stuff I Can Do, So *%@# Hire Me. Please.

Man, I hate writing resumes. Or more to the point, I hate job hunting. Looking at the classifieds, you have to skip past all the jobs you're not qualified for, the jobs you have no interest in whatsoever, the jobs you have no idea how anyone does and stays sane, the jobs that don't pay enough, and the jobs that suck. In this economy, one must add the jobs that don't exist. Finally, you get to the fields of jobs you can do and/or are interested in (not always the same thing). A short list indeed. And even then the question of qualifications comes up; for a reasonably intelligent, well educated and fairly talented guy like me, the question turns a bit discouraging. "Look at me! I'm brilliant! I'm the Lizard King! I can do anything!" Something like that.

The resume writing process has its own unique qualities of discouragement. Despite my long-established facility with writing, putting into words the things I did at previous jobs and the things I can do feels like putting lipstick on a pig. Because really what I want to say is: "I learned some valuable skills at this job, but overall I was vastly underemployed and I stayed only a year because the working conditions were awful, my boss sucked, and the pay was lousy." Repeat for each job.

Even the simple act of listing my education level was a little depressing: "B.A. English, SUNY at Buffalo." I spent 5-1/2 years of my early adulthood getting that degree; changed majors and took classes not related to any of them; tried to bone up on political science, philosophy, history (still feel behind the curve); worked as a student reporter for a year or so, took too many drugs, overcame heartbreak again and again and again; watched the best minds of my generation, etc., etc. Nearly a decade later, I am still paying off student loans—a little factoid that makes "B.A. English, SUNY at Buffalo" seem, well...perfunctory.

Oh, right, the cartoon. After all this ranting, I get the feeling there is a cartoon in this somewhere. (I think it's called "Dilbert", actually.) Anyhoo, there should be a new one up tomorrow. Hint: I have been subjecting myself to a lot of Ann Coulter. Well, "hint" or "warning", take your pick.